Engagement rings can be complicated. During happy times, an engagement ring represents love, commitment and the promise of a happily ever after. But that same ring sometimes becomes a symbol of broken hearts and promises—and an expensive item to argue over in the event of separation. People fight for engagement rings for all sorts of reasons: as a reminder of a happier time, as a valuable asset that can be easily sold or because the ring is a family heirloom. Like I said: complicated. The law doesn’t always take account of those complications—which is why many couples today are making their own agreement about what to do with the ring if things don’t work out.
The answer to “who should get to keep the ring?” depends on who you ask. Etiquette expert, Letitia Baldridge, recently told The New York Times that “the person who breaks the engagement is responsible for making good”: that is, if the recipient of the ring breaks the engagement, then he or she should immediately return the ring. On this view, however, if the ring giver breaks the engagement, he or she should allow the recipient to retain the ring (although if the ring is a family heirloom, the recipient should return the ring and be compensated with either a substitute piece of jewelry or a jewelry store credit).
New York law sees things a little differently. Rather than assign “fault” to whomever breaks off the engagement, New York law considers an engagement ring a gift in contemplation of marriage—an item that becomes the recipient’s property only after the parties are married. So if a split occurs during the engagement, the ring is returned to the giver; if the separation occurs after the wedding day, the ring belongs to the recipient. (Although New York divorce courts dividing up assets don’t usually credit either party for an engagement ring, in some cases, the courts will make an exception for a spouse who returned her engagement ring because it was a family heirloom.)
Of course, both of these perspectives reflect a valid view about how to balance the equities when a couple separates—I don’t necessarily favor one over the other. But as in so many other areas, I’ve found that the law often doesn’t take account of the individualized circumstances my clients face—or their own expectations about what the right thing to do is. That’s why I encourage my clients to consider making their own agreement about who will retain specific assets, like an engagement ring, in the event of a separation. Whether that ring is newly purchased or passed through previous generations of the family, often the couples themselves know best how to handle the engagement ring in the event of a separation or divorce.
To learn more about how a prenuptial agreement, postnuptial agreement or a separation agreement can be tailored to address ownership of an engagement ring, you can schedule an initial consultation by calling me at (646) 491-9008 or emailing me at bryana@turnerdivorcemediation.com.