In Part IV of this series of posts, my friend, Y, shares how his experience as a child of divorce shaped the advice he would give parents going through separation.
First Initial: Y
Current Age: 30
Gender: Male
Age When Your Parents Separated/Divorced: 12 years old
1. Now that you're able to look back on your parents' divorce, what piece of advice do you wish you could have given them to make the divorce easier on you or to better support you through the transition?
I don't think I would change anything. My mom decided to rally me and my siblings around the common theme of promising to see us through our undergraduate degrees. The common goal seemed to bind us together but watching her take the steps to get us across that finish line was inspiring. While I wanted to understand more about my parent's separation and the circumstances surrounding it, I was distracted by our struggle and the need to reach our goal.
I would give my mother one piece of advice—to be kinder to herself. But that is something I have only realized decades later. For kids experiencing separation/divorce with their parents—keep in mind that they are people too.
2. What is one thing you wish your parents had told you during the process (or what is the most helpful thing your parents told you)?
That it will be ok.